Conserving

Morning coffee and knitting

Some years are difficult for obvious reasons. And some years just present one smallish thing after another, like a steady drip of water on a stone; by the end of it, you find yourself worn down just the same. 2012 has been like that here. I began it in a hole, resource-wise, being treated for Lyme, sleeping all the time, in constant pain. The more I talk to others who have had Lyme (and we are everywhere here), the more I realize that for an adult to come out of it unscathed is the exception rather than the rule. My energy isn't back to normal. My hips, I think, will hurt for life, especially when it's damp or cold. My carefully calibrated emotional ship was knocked sideways by the fatigue or the pain or the spirochete or all of it, who knows? And while everything that followed--which I won't discuss, because it doesn't involve just me--was minor in the big scheme of things, it all just wears. And I'm weary.

Given that the next month isn't one I can just check out of, I realized I need to conserve. The list of things I've given up on or failed to even begin is getting pretty long. I'm not going to complete Art Every Day Month--I stopped at Day 21. I'm not making any Christmas gifts this year. Last year just about everyone on the list got something handmade, but last year, oh, last year I felt so good and happy and full of energy! (I miss that feeling.) I feel bad the kids won't be getting something made by Mama, but they're not deprived in that area by any means. I'd rather make cookies with them, and watch holiday specials, and drink hot cocoa, and snuggle under a blanket reading stories. And I think it's a good time to put away the computer as much as possible, so blogging will be spotty to nonexistent for the rest of the year.

I have a countdown calendar to prepare, and a kid to homeschool, and a new gluten-free cookie recipe to try out to see if it will work for our co-op holiday party. I have red mittens to finish knitting, and Santa requests to process. I have a holiday season to pace and enjoy. I hope you enjoy yours as well!