Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Conserving

Morning coffee and knitting
Some years are difficult for obvious reasons. And some years just present one smallish thing after another, like a steady drip of water on a stone; by the end of it, you find yourself worn down just the same. 2012 has been like that here. I began it in a hole, resource-wise, being treated for Lyme, sleeping all the time, in constant pain. The more I talk to others who have had Lyme (and we are everywhere here), the more I realize that for an adult to come out of it unscathed is the exception rather than the rule. My energy isn't back to normal. My hips, I think, will hurt for life, especially when it's damp or cold. My carefully calibrated emotional ship was knocked sideways by the fatigue or the pain or the spirochete or all of it, who knows? And while everything that followed--which I won't discuss, because it doesn't involve just me--was minor in the big scheme of things, it all just wears. And I'm weary.

Given that the next month isn't one I can just check out of, I realized I need to conserve. The list of things I've given up on or failed to even begin is getting pretty long. I'm not going to complete Art Every Day Month--I stopped at Day 21. I'm not making any Christmas gifts this year. Last year just about everyone on the list got something handmade, but last year, oh, last year I felt so good and happy and full of energy! (I miss that feeling.) I feel bad the kids won't be getting something made by Mama, but they're not deprived in that area by any means. I'd rather make cookies with them, and watch holiday specials, and drink hot cocoa, and snuggle under a blanket reading stories. And I think it's a good time to put away the computer as much as possible, so blogging will be spotty to nonexistent for the rest of the year.

I have a countdown calendar to prepare, and a kid to homeschool, and a new gluten-free cookie recipe to try out to see if it will work for our co-op holiday party. I have red mittens to finish knitting, and Santa requests to process. I have a holiday season to pace and enjoy. I hope you enjoy yours as well!

7 comments:

Carolyn said...

Amy, I'm right there with you. I'm worn out and weary this year, what with my PHN from shingles, my bladder disease and my newfound stomach disorder. Enjoy your break and hopefully you can heal both inside and out.

Karen Isaacson said...

good to see you have your priorities in order. cocoa and snuggling should always move to the top of the list. three years ago I changed our advent calendar to a small note every day with a promise of time spent together - just a little thing like family book night snuggled in the big bed, or picnic dinner anywhere in the house, or watching a Christmas special on a school night. it forces me to slow down, and focus on the important things that make us all happy. If I didn't have that small daily commitment, I'd be completely overbooking myself and trying to do way too much. Hoping that 2013 is much kinder and gentler to you and yours, dear Amy.

Rose Red said...

Just in case I don't "see" you again before Christmas, I hope you and yours have a wonderful, peaceful, relaxing Christmas!

Victoria said...

I was so hoping at the beginning of 2012 to be leaving 2011 behind... and 2012 has been a struggle too. I hear you. Take care of you, love your family, see you when you get back.

Donna Lee said...

It sounds like a good plan. There are no handmade gifts here this year either. I don't have any real excuse (ok, maybe knitting something for myself has something to do with it!). I'm going to concentrate on keeping my sanity as we replace the roof and deal with all the chaos that involves. Christmas will come regardless and it will be wonderful.

I hope your family spends time just enjoying each other.

laurie said...

oh, amy, i hope you do take time this month to rest and heal. i received your postcard on friday and am soaking up the fabulous message it brings. so glad you participated in the swap. i am blogging about your mail art tomorrow - hope you check it out.

Helen said...

the older I get the more I strive to conserve energy and I don't have anything like your health issues - but I do have a desire to cope with life as best as I can and that means being choosy, where possible.

Good idea to do what you can to conserve and to accept that it doesn't all have to be handmade. It's a luxury and no, your kids don't go without!